Toilet Training


One has not learnt to use a toilet until one has mastered the art of MALAYSIAN public toilets. More specific, PENANG public toilets... the ones along the highways from Pg-KL-Pahang all suck as well. This highly skilled art involves many years of training of not only gaining expertise in maneuvering your butt so as to not let it touch the seat of the toilet but also the art of folding your jeans or pulling at your long pants (if you so happened forgot to put on shorts) and least i forget, the balancing act one has to do to tiptoe across puddles of liquid, all this while holding in your breath and thanking the Lord that it's only peeing that one has to do.


Public toilets, as i rediscovered today range from moderately dirty to disgustingly dirty to SERIOUSLY disgustingly filthy. It's all that black marks and dim lighting they have. AND the smell. You'd think that the complex owners could afford to spend some on air fresheners or better ventilation especially if they take 20cents from each 'client'. Anyway, there is an art to half sitting half squatting on the toilet, and i have mastered it. Proud to say that i had to go and i discovered that i have mastered this fine art to perfection. One has to have strong legs and i don't think fat people can manage it.

First one has to position oneself over the toilet bowl (easier done when lid is lifted) and then aim correctly so as not to splash anywhere. Also, one has to grip the floor with the soles of the shoes and hold steady. The most important part is that one must not forget to remove the precious mobile phone from one’s back pocket BEFORE bending over.

Sometimes the sinks are clogged up with used tissue or unidentified remnants of food. To overcome this, either look for one which the tap is already running or be smart and ask the smile sweetly as the shop uncle while you use his tap (you know, the one where they wash dishes at the back of the shop…)


But as I was saying, once one has mastered the art of using a Malaysian public toilet, one can use ANY toilet anytime anywhere…so Malaysia did teach me something after all. *siLLy gRiN*