I am thinking of coffee right now. A steaming cup of coffee with three sugars and milk...it looks rather like Milo the way I take it. I digress.
The smell of it is divine. I love the smell of freshly brewed coffee and that was all I used to love, the smell of coffee. Only the surface to the wonderful world of coffee. Very much like the idea of eternal bliss in coupledom. A person to wake up to, another soul to share your day with, someone to make you laugh and smile, someone to be your pillar and baby you, someone to take out your PMS on, somewhere to run to...
It takes a while to get used to the taste of coffee. Bitter sweet. Times we had, they were bitter sweet. Happy times, an idea, a thought, and we took off the next day, the next minute. Sweet times; some captured forever the moment. An apology, maybe not, even with an apology, I keep it. The last bit of coffee is always the most bitter. Bitterness, regret even. Harsh words, harsher actions, irreconcilable...there is no forgiving this time. The heart is bitter: a breaking of a trust, a smile, and a forever reduced to nothing. Crushed hopes, crushed dreams, broken friendships, even I knew better than to dream, but the possibility was there. There is a bitter aftertaste.
And yet, it keeps me coming back for more. Once bitten twice shy? Nope. Coffee is addictive. Have it over a period of time and one cannot help but have it regularly. It becomes like a norm. Absent from life, a part of me goes missing. Loneliness sets in. I feel a lot better with coffee in my system first thing in the morning. I actually understand what is going on during 9am Con & Admin classes.
There are different blends, but it is still coffee to me. Choices, but in the end it tastes the same to me. Time is such that life would be easier much simpler and much happier to concentrate on one addiction at a time. I chose coffee, so why do I still worry over you?