There are days like this when i wake up in the morning and all i want is two packets of Nasi Lemak Ikan- those that come in the banana leaf-wrapped triangles for breakfast. I want back all that is known to me, my little safe world, the one before everything, the one I was at least half certain of what I wanted and where I was headed.
I took the tram back from High St (near Chapel) this very early morning (8am! and on a FRIDAY morning too! It was cold and misty and I could blow white steam.) and as i passed Melbourne Central it reminded me of my first year in Melbourne. Very lost, very alone, relishing in my new found freedom; the air in Melbourne smells different from the dense humidity of my little island, I was determined to be independent and determined to go solo. It is ironic how something so familiar now was so very strange but a couple of years ago and after going one full circle, still I am very lost and very alone and my determination has been renewed.
Perhaps, the last couple of months I have been living up in the clouds, my head certainly was anyway, it is amazing how I actually got stuff done, more so of late as well, as I have noticed. I want the days of before back, the days of waking up in the morning and lying about having eaten breakfast and rushing to school hoping to get there before the bell rings, the nights of lying in bed and talking a mile a minute and into the wee hours of the mornings with guys, and even to the days of walking into tuition class with great trepidation because I have not completed or touched any homework (Re. Mr Ngan’s chemistry tuition!!! and Mr. Tan’s Add Maths killer load of past year questions!!). It is amazing how I have come so far from the life I envision myself to be now, back then…but feelings from way before, silly school girl crush, happy jumping hearts and knots in my stomach fill me again for the first time in a little over 5 years and now, now I feel like I am back in my first year in Melbourne. Lost, alone but armed and ready to face anything life throws at me.