I live in a world where hypocrisy is the name of the game. Where almost every encounter with another is a facade of some sorts, a different face for a different person i must show. No matter how much I try to be ‘myself’, there always has to be a face I must not show. It is not a voluntary action, but so deeply ingrained into personality that it is an immediate reaction to mask feelings, or at least the negative parts, when encountering people. It cannot be anything but dishonesty to ones self; and yet, life is so that if i am brutally honest (lacking tact i might add), i would probably end up more of a loner than i already am and shunned by society, which right now doesn't sound so bad, but it would probably bring great detriment to me in the long run - so better not try anything funny.
I cannot very well go up to that guy with funny hair and snicker in his face that he has "wildly untamed hair that produces images of mushrooms in my head at the sight of him", it would hurt his feelings and it would be what society would deem "impolite and obtuse" of me especially since i do not know him (and yet i entrusted him with the care of my precious laptop and law notes in the library while i went for a much needed extravagant paper cupful of Brunetti's coffee...the strength of the call of coffee-but that is besides the point).
If i snubbed that someone which i very much wish to snub, what would that make me in the face of everyone else? Fear of being labeled a childish-bitch or something to that effect stops me. I would like to slap a certain someone who so deserves it, but i probably cannot because it would be 'wrong', and i would like to shout, scream and kick that blardy asshole who so very, very much deserves it, but proprietary stops me, so i have to be sweet and smile and act like there is nothing wrong at all while inside i am laden by emotions too hurtful to let out. I would compromise my happiness for the well-being of another. *scowl*.
As if that is not enough, now i realized i have to learn something called "TACT" in dealing with hyper sensitive people... who spreads unsatisfactory conduct by other people towards them like wildfire. So, not wanting to risk of my reputation of being a sweet-good natured-innocent-angelic-little girl, going to shreds, i now have to learn "TACT". *ish*.